At last Sasha was alone. She breathed a sigh or relief. Now she could have enough time to examine herself carefully to see if her body had changed. She had become very self-conscious about her body and believed that people were staring at her. She wanted to find out it she looked 'different'.
The sound of her father's pickup truck faded, as he left for his construction job. But before he could get to his job, he had to drop his wife and their nine year old son, Khwane, to the Belmont R.C. School, then eighteen year old Chiaba at St Angela's Convent High School.
Although she was alone in the house, Sasha still locked the bedroom door. She was taking no chance of a surprise visit. As she turned from locking the door, she thought of her elder sister, Chiaba; so studious and serious about everything. Chiaba seemed to be always to be so well organized and tidy; her bed neatly made, everything on her dressing table in place; her clothes, shoes, books, all correctly laid out. How Sasha admired her sister's neatness. Try as hard as she could, Sasha could never attain her sister's standards. But in academic work and on the playing field she was far above Chiaba. Everyone agreed that she was gifted.
Two months from now Sasha would be writing her O'levels exams. She had entered for ten subjects, and all her teachers and students of St Angela's knew that she would pass them all, and that with distinctions, too. Learning was such a pleasurable activity for her, that she just could not understand why most students complained about the difficulty they experienced in learning.
In all of her classes, Sasha had to assist her teacher. Whenever a problem arose, someone would blurt out,
"Let Sasha show us."
She could explain things so simply and clearly, that everyone said she was born to be a teacher; but her father though, had other plans for her.
"I don't want you to be no teacher. Is either doctor or lawyer for you. After your mother, no more teaching in this house."
It was extremely ironic to hear those words from Gregory Gentle, a man who was barely able to read and write, who decided while in Standard Four, that he was not accepting any more licks from Mr Rollon. He had walked out the school, a student and only returned ten years later a carpenter to repair the roof. Now he boasted his occupation as builder and contractor, his status as husband to the beautiful and intelligent Marjorie McKenzie, father of three brilliant children and owner of property worth well over half a million dollars. But one thing he could never boast about, though everyone was aware of it, was that his wife did all his writing and reading for him.
"So what!" he would grumble "a man aint suppose to know everything."
But he was a good husband and father, and Sasha was his secret favorite.
"Sasha, wake up! What's wrong with you? Today is Tuesday, you know. Get up for school!"
Chiaba was standing in front of the dressing table, combing her hair. Sasha turned over rubbed her eyes as forced a yawn. Actually she was not asleep she had not slept a wink during the night. She was too scared and worried to think, much more to sleep.
"I dont feel well. I can't make it to school, today"
Sasha moaned and slipped deeper into the covers, her back to her sister. Chiaba paused in her hair combing and stared at her younger sister.
"You sick? What wrong?"
There was deep concern in Chiaba's voice, for she loved her little sister dearly and always felt protective towards her. Chiaba was worried. This was not like Sasha to be sick. She never got ill. Whenever the family came down with some kind of illness it was always Sasha who remained untouched, to nurse them back to health.
"You want me to all mama?" asked Chiaba
"No! It's all right. But I am not going to school, today." Sasha stated gloomily.
When the news of Sasha's illness reached the other members of her family, they became concerned. Her father mentioned calling the doctor, but Sasha assured him that she was just a little tired from studying and needed a rest for a day or two.
Convinced that she was not in any serious danger, they each gave advice and wished her a pleasant day. Her brother presented her with a few of his comic books and promised to take her back some fruits. Her mother made her promise to call, in case she felt worse. Now they were all gone and the house was quiet. She began to think.
The growling in her stomach reminded her that she needed to eat a fruit or have a glass of juice. "It's all right," she thought to herself, "if I vomit now no one will see me." The memory of her nausea in the pickup on her way to school yesterday, brought a chill to her body. The accident with the buses provided the timely diversion she needed to empty her stomach, so no one saw. It was only then that she became convinced that she was pregnant. That day in school was a nightmare. She appeared to be sleepwalking. But somehow she had made it through the day, though she knew that she could never make it through another day.
"Lord, let me think! I must not panic! I must be cool and in control!" Sasha spoke aloud to herself.
She sat on the side of the bed with her head in her hands. She thought of her parents. She could see their faces when they found out- the hurt, the shame, the pain, the disappointment. She loved them so much, and they, too loved her. She could see Chiaba, her grandparents, her little brother, her aunts and uncles, her teachers her classmates.
"Lord I cant take it." she began to weep.
Why did I allow Martin to get me to do it. I didn't know it would happen.
She threw herself on the bed and cried and cried. The tears seemed to come from deep within her. She did nor know for how long she was crying she had lost all sense of time. Finally she lay weak and trembling. After a while, she drifted into a deep sleep.
She awoke with a start. She did not intend to fall asleep but somehow the rest had soothe her. She felt calm and clear headed.
She got off the bed an stood in front of the mirror before heading for the bathroom. She stared at her naked body, but could see no noticeable difference. Yet she knew that over the last two days she had changed. She was always so proud of her body. It will be disfigured.
She showered slowly and carefully before toweling herself dry. she entered her parents' bedroom. After a brief search in the night table drawer, she found what she wanted. She returned too her room that she shared with Chiaba.
Sasha opened her closet and examined rows of dresses and skirts hanging there. They did not please her. She next opened one of her drawers. After digging through, she finally pulled out her new tennis tennis outfit. Lazily she headed for the dressing table where she took a long time freshening up. Then she dressed.
She took her notepad and pen and sat on the bed, her left leg crossed under her. After a brief pause she began to scribble. It took her almost half an hour to be satisfied with her handiwork. She found a pin and attached the note to her pillow. Next she got up and went to the kitchen, took a glass of milk and headed back to her room.
She swallowed six tablets, then downed them with the glass of milk. She placed the glass on the dressing table and went to lie on her bed. She began to cry softly.
"Sorry Mama, Dad, God , everyone! Please forgeive me!"
She felt herself drifting into a deep and peaceful sleep, but the sound of the pickup truck came to her ears. She heard her father's voice calling her name, she tried to answer but she was so drowsy!
When her father entered the room she was still smiling and mumbling.
Roy Benjamin
The sound of her father's pickup truck faded, as he left for his construction job. But before he could get to his job, he had to drop his wife and their nine year old son, Khwane, to the Belmont R.C. School, then eighteen year old Chiaba at St Angela's Convent High School.
Although she was alone in the house, Sasha still locked the bedroom door. She was taking no chance of a surprise visit. As she turned from locking the door, she thought of her elder sister, Chiaba; so studious and serious about everything. Chiaba seemed to be always to be so well organized and tidy; her bed neatly made, everything on her dressing table in place; her clothes, shoes, books, all correctly laid out. How Sasha admired her sister's neatness. Try as hard as she could, Sasha could never attain her sister's standards. But in academic work and on the playing field she was far above Chiaba. Everyone agreed that she was gifted.
Two months from now Sasha would be writing her O'levels exams. She had entered for ten subjects, and all her teachers and students of St Angela's knew that she would pass them all, and that with distinctions, too. Learning was such a pleasurable activity for her, that she just could not understand why most students complained about the difficulty they experienced in learning.
In all of her classes, Sasha had to assist her teacher. Whenever a problem arose, someone would blurt out,
"Let Sasha show us."
She could explain things so simply and clearly, that everyone said she was born to be a teacher; but her father though, had other plans for her.
"I don't want you to be no teacher. Is either doctor or lawyer for you. After your mother, no more teaching in this house."
It was extremely ironic to hear those words from Gregory Gentle, a man who was barely able to read and write, who decided while in Standard Four, that he was not accepting any more licks from Mr Rollon. He had walked out the school, a student and only returned ten years later a carpenter to repair the roof. Now he boasted his occupation as builder and contractor, his status as husband to the beautiful and intelligent Marjorie McKenzie, father of three brilliant children and owner of property worth well over half a million dollars. But one thing he could never boast about, though everyone was aware of it, was that his wife did all his writing and reading for him.
"So what!" he would grumble "a man aint suppose to know everything."
But he was a good husband and father, and Sasha was his secret favorite.
"Sasha, wake up! What's wrong with you? Today is Tuesday, you know. Get up for school!"
Chiaba was standing in front of the dressing table, combing her hair. Sasha turned over rubbed her eyes as forced a yawn. Actually she was not asleep she had not slept a wink during the night. She was too scared and worried to think, much more to sleep.
"I dont feel well. I can't make it to school, today"
Sasha moaned and slipped deeper into the covers, her back to her sister. Chiaba paused in her hair combing and stared at her younger sister.
"You sick? What wrong?"
There was deep concern in Chiaba's voice, for she loved her little sister dearly and always felt protective towards her. Chiaba was worried. This was not like Sasha to be sick. She never got ill. Whenever the family came down with some kind of illness it was always Sasha who remained untouched, to nurse them back to health.
"You want me to all mama?" asked Chiaba
"No! It's all right. But I am not going to school, today." Sasha stated gloomily.
When the news of Sasha's illness reached the other members of her family, they became concerned. Her father mentioned calling the doctor, but Sasha assured him that she was just a little tired from studying and needed a rest for a day or two.
Convinced that she was not in any serious danger, they each gave advice and wished her a pleasant day. Her brother presented her with a few of his comic books and promised to take her back some fruits. Her mother made her promise to call, in case she felt worse. Now they were all gone and the house was quiet. She began to think.
The growling in her stomach reminded her that she needed to eat a fruit or have a glass of juice. "It's all right," she thought to herself, "if I vomit now no one will see me." The memory of her nausea in the pickup on her way to school yesterday, brought a chill to her body. The accident with the buses provided the timely diversion she needed to empty her stomach, so no one saw. It was only then that she became convinced that she was pregnant. That day in school was a nightmare. She appeared to be sleepwalking. But somehow she had made it through the day, though she knew that she could never make it through another day.
"Lord, let me think! I must not panic! I must be cool and in control!" Sasha spoke aloud to herself.
She sat on the side of the bed with her head in her hands. She thought of her parents. She could see their faces when they found out- the hurt, the shame, the pain, the disappointment. She loved them so much, and they, too loved her. She could see Chiaba, her grandparents, her little brother, her aunts and uncles, her teachers her classmates.
"Lord I cant take it." she began to weep.
Why did I allow Martin to get me to do it. I didn't know it would happen.
She threw herself on the bed and cried and cried. The tears seemed to come from deep within her. She did nor know for how long she was crying she had lost all sense of time. Finally she lay weak and trembling. After a while, she drifted into a deep sleep.
She awoke with a start. She did not intend to fall asleep but somehow the rest had soothe her. She felt calm and clear headed.
She got off the bed an stood in front of the mirror before heading for the bathroom. She stared at her naked body, but could see no noticeable difference. Yet she knew that over the last two days she had changed. She was always so proud of her body. It will be disfigured.
She showered slowly and carefully before toweling herself dry. she entered her parents' bedroom. After a brief search in the night table drawer, she found what she wanted. She returned too her room that she shared with Chiaba.
Sasha opened her closet and examined rows of dresses and skirts hanging there. They did not please her. She next opened one of her drawers. After digging through, she finally pulled out her new tennis tennis outfit. Lazily she headed for the dressing table where she took a long time freshening up. Then she dressed.
She took her notepad and pen and sat on the bed, her left leg crossed under her. After a brief pause she began to scribble. It took her almost half an hour to be satisfied with her handiwork. She found a pin and attached the note to her pillow. Next she got up and went to the kitchen, took a glass of milk and headed back to her room.
She swallowed six tablets, then downed them with the glass of milk. She placed the glass on the dressing table and went to lie on her bed. She began to cry softly.
"Sorry Mama, Dad, God , everyone! Please forgeive me!"
She felt herself drifting into a deep and peaceful sleep, but the sound of the pickup truck came to her ears. She heard her father's voice calling her name, she tried to answer but she was so drowsy!
When her father entered the room she was still smiling and mumbling.
Roy Benjamin
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